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that's a BUMMER man..that's a bummer....
-the Big Lebowski
gee...BinkStink is bummed out!!
http://bink-think.livejournal.com/14886.html
My daughter and grandson went to San Diego for another visit to her friends a week ago. Her lovely friend Tanya bought her a ticket and is hosting the visit. I have been walking around my house like a ghost, tripping over Orion's toys and Charisse's plastic hair thingies (crunch), Don't know when they will come back, IF they will come back. It feels like such a huge part of me is gone. I miss them so much.
So when you grieve, you clean. Deeply. With vigor, in the corners. I even repainted all the baseboards today. I yanked down the blinds that don't really fit the new windows and let the outside in. No more running nekkid from the bathroom, at least until I break down and decide on new "window treatments". Sheesh, window treatments? Around here in redneckville it's tres couture to hang sheets in your windows. No one would look askance.
I moved around the furniture in the living room. Not that I have much furniture. We dumped it all when we went to Idaho. We inherited some shitty furniture from the previous owners of the farm, and I left it there when I ran away. So I have a fifty dollar couch from the Goodwill, and a thirty year old pumpkin colored Lazy Boy with my grandmother's afghan over it . . . some blonde oak end tables and a dead plant, still in the pot. I've been an RN for almost 20 years, raised my kids and you'd think I'd have my house "in order" but it looks a lot like what I had when I was on welfare going to college. It's a little depressing. The house isn't even mine.
It's raining outside (what a shock around HERE, I know) and it's drumming on the patio roof in a way that underscores my mood. Actually, a softer, sadder rain would be better.
Well, time to warm up the Kentucky Fried 8 piece Family Meal I bought for my UNfamily. It should last me three or four days. I love the potatoes and gravy, especially the gravy. OK, I'm happier now. There's a pint of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer too. Maybe I'll save it, maybe I'll eat the whole thing. Depends upon how self destructive I feel. If I eat it, I'll get in bed and crank up the electric (pfffffft) blanket and watch Discovery Health Channel. The Duggar's are on tonight. Yeah, I feel better now.
pooooor BinkStink... she's in victim mode... bummer...
she's removed all her nasty posts to me on her 'camping with abuse survivors' rant/psychotic break... that's ok... i have it all copied to disc along with source code to prove she wrote it.. :)
BinkStink's living conditions sound rather... uh... bleak... let's not forget that BinkStink is for somewhere between 17 and 120 years a NURSE.. RN...
the average yearly income for a nurse is around 52,000 dollars... and yet BinkStink is sitting around on a Goodwill sofa, and a burnt orange LazyBoy recliner????...
and she says it's 'a little depressing'... huh... because when i was saying how much i missed my home... and all of my things that the psychopath Mike McGrannahan stole from me... here's what she had to say...
I'm saying that unless you suffer from a mental illness, you don't need to live like you do. He may not have left you much but your beating heart but that's enough.
Guess that ugly ass orange LazyBoy should be enough, BinkStink... buck up.. i mean... unless you're suffering from a MENTAL ILLNESS... you don't need to live with an ugly orange recliner, right????... what's your problem?... don't forget... you're HEALED..
I learned to accept and forgive myself at the knees of some veteran abuse survivors on Trubble's Catbox (they are all at Our Place) now. I saw that THEY redefined themselves and went on, perhaps limping a bit, to new and better lives.
there you go!!.. living in a rented dump in 'Redneckville' and laying around in an orange LazyBoy is NEW and BETTER... so why so bummed???? why not go back over there on your knees now that you're bumming and get some more of that acceptance and forgiveness... oh... i know why... because you're a PARIAHamong the PIRAHNAS!!
I know this is what makes me a pariah in the domestic violence victim community, this willingness of mine to point out the stain on the lily white garment of the abused.
..........................
BinkStink appears to be attempting to reinvent herself... gone is the snide hateful condescending vile bitch, whose rambling vicious diatribes prompted me to make a complaint to her employer... not gone, really... just hidden... like all her nasty comments on her journal...
lately she's a new and improved BinkStink... posting about her geese... about her love for them... geee... quite a change from the sniveling cowardly bitch who allowed ATM to dump her cats... take her dogs to the pound... and shoot and eat her chickens!!. we'll examine all that in another post...
but for now let's get back to the matter at hand... BinkStink's DEPRESSION... (SIGH)...
BinkStink, being a psychopath is a fan of other psychopaths.... Sam Vaknin for instance...
Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Love, and fathered a new understanding of personality disorder (specifically narcissism and psychopathy), being one himself and telling it like it is, from his perspective. Many people reject his ideas because he openly admits he IS a narcissist or psychopath. But the content of his ideas line up with experience just a bit to well for ME to toss him out. (i bet) Personally? Who better can describe the machinations in the mind of a narcissist than a narc? (ok... let's run with your opinion BinkStink) That he's undoubtedly skimming a ton of supply from all the attention doesn't prevent me from the revelation. I can't think like a narc, myself. (uh huh) I have been aware forever that personality disordered people THINK differently, use a different frame of reference entirely.
ok... just for kicks - let's compare some of BinkStink's own thoughts about herself to Sam's take on them!!
what BinkStink says about herself:
I had no sense of "self" except a very limited one. I did not exist as a separate individual.. First you must have an actual SELF to focus on. What I had to focus on, back then, was . . . nothing at all.
ewwwwwww... here's what Sam has to say about THAT....
Vaknin: A Narcissist (notice the capital N) has no sense of self. If not reflected by others, he feels annulled, dead, void. It is a harrowing experience (I went through it once). It is like being separated to molecules and suspended in mid air.
hmmm....then there's this....
My "self" was a decoupage of what I believed was expected of me, what kept me 'well liked' by other people, what kept them from being mean or hurtful or rejecting me. My "self" was a conglomeration of what I'd been given, or decided I needed, to keep myself safe from others. Beneath the conglomerate was a life long belief that I was walking a fine line between tolerance and rejection.I did not perceive myself as having any real protection from other people's meanness and rejection. Other than charming them, being as passive and perceptive as I could be to what they seemed to need me to be.
Sam's assessment:
The narcissist gets all the love that he needs from himself. From the outside he needs approval, affirmation, admiration, adoration, attention – in other words, externalised Ego boundary functions. The Narcissist emulates and simulates an entire range of emotions and employs every means to achieve these effects. He lies (narcissists are pathological liars – their very self is a false one). He acts the pitiful, or, its opposite, the resilient and reliable.
thanks, Sam...
THANKS A LOT!!!!
gone is the old BinkStink... the hateful self aggrandizing manipulating haughty bitch... she's been replaced by MOTHER GOOSE.. a bummed out one... Sam, what's your take on this?
His aggression having failed to elicit Narcissistic Supply, the narcissist proceeds to indulge himself in daydreaming, delusions of grandeur, planning of future coups, nostalgia and hurt (the Lost Paradise Syndrome).
i see... and what about this rewriting history thing, Sam?... what's up with that???
When all else fails, this is what they do. Put them in a corner about something that happened as recently as an hour ago and they will either tell you that they have no recall of it whatsoever or simply tell you that you are wrong. At this point they will be more than happy to go into great detail about what really transpired, which can be so blatantly untrue that it leaves you standing mouth agape.They will claim to have said or done things that they didn't; claim that you did or said things that you didn't or simply rewrite the story entirely. In extreme cases they will even claim that the incident never happened at all.
wow, Sam... sounds pretty fucked up... now what about this TWO CAMPS the crazy bitch pounded on about for days???
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This is a bit like the old schoolyard dynamics. You'd have two gangs pitted against each other and each would try to steal the stronger members from the other and win them over to their own side. In many ways, narcissists have never left the school yard.As one person falls out of favour with them, so they rush around rallying support against that person from everyone else, starting with their best source of supply and working down to the weakest. Anyone who does not fully agree with the narcissist is thrown into the bad camp with the original outcast.This outcast state can continue for days, weeks, months or even years. It will end when the outcasts either have grovelled sufficiently or the narcissist has outcast someone else in his camp and needs to strengthen this inner circle again.He calls the shots. He decides when you have been sufficiently punished and shown sufficient remorse and all of it is dictated by his own needs only. The king is in his kingdom
sounds about right... well, Sam... according to BinkStink, you're the expert... what say you?... is she or isn't she?... give us a hint...
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that's a BUMMER, BinkStink... that's a bummer...
