As we all know... mud sticks best to a clean spot... so since BinkStink the abusive Narc, couldn't make headway with me... she now turns to my friend - Barbara, moderator at ALL ABOUT HIM... in a pathetic attempt to hurt me and get attention for herself... here's her latest spew:
All About Him: A Review
bink_think
March 12th, 21:00
From the welcome page for Lisa E. Scott's website allabouthim.com .
You cannot change a narcissist, but you can take steps to make changes in your life that will make you happier. I believe that is our goal... to accept what we cannot change and change what we can. We have the ability to grow and evolve, which is a beautiful thing. We are responsible for the choices we make in life and we can choose to be happy or we can choose to remain a victim. I choose to be happy and I hope you will join me in my journey.
There is a forum on Scott's website for victims of narcissists to share their stories and receive hope and support. It has a modest membership as yet, being only about a year old.
There are tens or maybe hundreds of public and private forums for victims of domestic violence or partners with personality disorders (which amount to about the same thing). I've searched high and low on the net over the last three years, and after joining many of them, ended up spending most of my time on Trubble's Catbox. It was a community that was going strong seven years after it's inception. The membership, almost to the person, is now at Our Place as of a year and a half ago, and in my estimation, has a number of true veterans of domestic violence and the years of healing afterward.
Many of the true veterans are on the admin team, some of whom have held the position for the last ten years. Many more are just members, still active years past the grueling end of their abusive relationships. There is real clarity and healing going on over there. There is leading by example. And this is what I see NOT happening on Lisa Scott's forum. Well, at least if you want to lead by HEALTHY example.
I'm not clear as to how involved Scott is with her forum. She has a single moderator, "Barbara", who participates regularly and posts a wealth of articles and resources to specific issues that the membership brings up. I recognized "Barbara" almost immediately. I knew her as Shattered4Good on Trubble's Catbox. She was a dedicated link poster then, too. She sometimes linked four or five articles per day.
I was not privvy to exactly what happened to cause Shattered4Good to be banned from the Catbox. It had something to do with her linking. The Catbox admins created a dedicated forum for articles and links and helpful books, and asked Shattered4Good to post her material there. Soon thereafter, she was banned. It happened when I left Idaho, I didn't have a computer and lost contact for a few days.
"Barbara" was also a member of The Next Right Choice, a spin-off forum of Trubble's Catbox, in the immediate aftermath of the Catbox Implosion of 2008. She was one of many who re-emerged to cast their opinions while the Catbox fell apart, and the membership made their exodus to Our Place. She was eventually banned from TNRC as well, though again I was not privvy to exactly why.
What I do know of "Barbara" is that she lives with her two children and her (ex?) husband in a separated dwelling, and is dependent upon him for her living expenses. She is disabled by a number of chronic health conditions and is unable to work. This leaves her in a kind of bondage to her abuser, which she recounts many tales of. Her children suffer various emotional problems as well. All of this information has been shared by "Barbara" on all forums she's been a member of, so this is definitely not insider information, but public knowledge.
What concerns me is that between "Barbara's" written feedback to the membership of Allabouthim.com and Lisa Scott's mission is a loud discrepancy. It appears so great, to me, that I wonder if Lisa Scott reads the forum content at all. Or if she does, she doesn't know quite what to do with "Barbara".
The Catbox Implosion occurred when Dr Irene Matiatos, after several years of allowing her admins to run the show, decided she didn't like the direction the ship was going, and took the wheel. It turns out Dr Irene and her admin team had very different ideas about what was "good" for abuse survivors. The difference could be much better described by the ex-Catbox admins (now at Our Place, along with the entire ex-Catbox community), but to a member with a short stint as an admin working directly with Irene, the difference was more about the aftermath of a stupid mistake on Irene's part and her doomed attempts to save face afterward, than anything philosophical.
Between the sole moderator "Barbara" and the mission of Allabouthim.com, the difference appears indeed to be philosophical, in the extreme.
Here is her reply to an AAH member who is expressing despair and hopelessness in the aftermath of a relationship with an abuser:
just a word
Fri, 03/12/2010 - 21:32 — Barbara
I have to back up my buddy narcnarc here. While I can appreciate you all trying to bolster her... people like her and I are WAAAAY beyond 'hope' and 'getting out' and having 'fun.' Fun to me is a good night's sleep on pain killers, when I am able to take them... some party, huh?
narcnarc, for instance, has complex PTSD. She and her pets would be homeless if someone didn't donate a house to her. A house WITHOUT heat... but it's something. She has NO INCOME other than food stamps. Food pantries won't deal with her because she 'can't show proof of income' (I know, WTF! huh?) She probably has fibromyalgia but the hospital won't see her (no medicaid) and no doctor will see her for free.
Like her I have complex PTSD. I am severely disabled so a shelter would never take me. Besides I would never leave my kids. I am morbidly obese from drugs & surgeries though people treat me like I am "just fat." If exNH didn't pay my rent, utilities and insurance I'd be in narcnarc's position.
We don't want to go out. We look like hell, feel like hell and we are tired of people telling us to "have hope." We have accepted what IS. That's one of the reasons I am working on getting a coaching certification. The positive affirmation/ self-talk thing gets pretty tired when you've dealt with a serious psychopath (or 3 in my case)
I don't date and I never will again. I get it narcnarc - why afflict someone as PTSD destroyed as us? We don't like it and we are smart enough to know others won't either. The old "her" is gone for me. I'd be ridiculous to even imagine I could get "her" back - she died a long time ago - a horrible agonizing death.
the only person who know who I USED TO BE left - was Psycho-Boy!! and look what happened!
she's done... all I can do is make sure no one else goes thru the same things I have.
Good grief, now *I* feel like gargling a bottle of Percocet and going to bed forever.
This woman is a MODERATOR? A "leader", a wise woman, for a group of people hoping for a decent life after years with an abusive narcissist? What is she trying to tell them? That she herself is hopeless and so is her "buddy" and DON'T YOU DARE SUGGEST OTHERWISE.
No words of support, or any empathy for that matter, for the members who've begun to open up and risk sharing their shame and pain. God forbid they HOPE for a better life, this "destroyed" woman will set them straight!
You know, whatever. "Barbara" has the perfect right to be the way she is.
But is she "moderator material" for a group of very vulnerable individuals recovering from abuse and violence?
As damaged and hurt as we are by our abusive scenarios, we are not made STUPID by them. And that is why most of them, anyway, will steer clear of this forum.
Lisa Scott! Pay attention to what's going on on YOUR website. Pay attention to your good name and reputation, which is good enough with your written work and public appearances. Take another look at this forum and ask yourself if "Barbara" is your idea of a guide for people you hope to give a leg up to?
This is a clear sign of BinkStink's desperation and delusions... as well as her need to be 'relevant'... before she removes it or sends her abuser proxies over... like she did with a bunch of her other smear & slander - you can read and respond here:
http://bink-think.livejournal.com/12785.html
