NICE TRY, BINKSTINK!

In her latest post, BinkStink tried this exact tactic... nice try... not buying your "poor little ole me" bullshit!

A COMMON TACTIC OF NARCISSISTS
by Anna Valerious

Manipulators. We've all been taken in by them. All malignant narcissists are manipulators, though not all manipulators are narcissists. Either way, it is impossible to avoid them. It is possible to minimize our susceptibility to them.

The concept that has helped me the most in enabling me to recognize when someone is trying to force me into what they want from me is the reality that manipulators are aggressive, and most times they are able to hide their aggression. George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D. of "In Sheep's Clothing" calls them "covert-aggressives". As I read his book I realized that my whole experience with my sister especially, but also my mother, was that of being up against a covertly-aggressive person. My sister is better at it than my mother is. Interestingly enough.

Simon makes a great case for opening our eyes to what is really happening in these interactions; that the character disordered individual, or simply aggressive person, is fighting to get their own way when they use certain tactics. And he points out that they are tactics. Not defensive reactions.

"...viewing someone who's in the act of aggressing as being defensive in any sense is a major set-up for victimization." pg. 95

He also describes the tactics of the covert-aggressive as being another form of lying.

One of the first things their tactics accomplish for them is to conceal the fact that they are fighting with you. They are refusing to allow you to have the opinion you have, the standards you have, the decision you've made. They are attempting to force your surrender to their way, their opinion, their standards (or lack thereof). But the first thing they must do is come at you in such a way that the first thing you'll think is that they are reacting defensively. They hide their aggressiveness under a cloak of pretense that they are simply acting out of defensiveness which, of course, means that you attacked them. So the next thing their tactics accomplish is putting you on the defensive. Now you are knocked off-balance and the covert-aggressive will likely start throwing so many different manipulative tactics at you at once that you end up falling for the ruse and capitulate.

Simon states that it is impossible to list all the tactics manipulators use, but he does make a short list of the most popular ones. He starts with "minimization". It is a 'oh my god' moment to see it spelled out. How many, many times have my mother or sister used this tactic on me and others?? It could not be counted.

Simon again contrasts the behavior of the neurotic with that of the character disordered as he explains this tactic:

"...the aggressor is attempting to assert that his behavior isn't really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. It's the aggressor's attempt to make a molehill out of a mountain... Neurotics frequently make mountains out of molehills, or 'catastrophize.' The disturbed character frequently trivializes the nature of his wrongdoing. Manipulators do this to make a person who might confront them feel they've been overly harsh in their criticism or unjust in their appraisal of a situation."

Then the money quote, in my opinion:

"Minimization is not primarily the way they make themselves feel better about what they did, it's primarily the way they try to manipulate my impression of them. They don't want me to see them as a person who behaves like a thug. Because they are most often comfortable with their aggressive personality style, they also want me to believe that there's nothing wrong with the kind of person they are." pg. 97

Can you see the lie that is the fabric of this type of manipulation? If you miss the lie, you can be convinced by the manipulator that you are the one aggressing against them. You are the one who is misapprehending the truth of what happened, the truth of what they are. You big meanie. Look at poor little defensive me trying to stand up against your mean and nasty aggression against me! I was only... fill in the blank... as they cut that mountain down to the size of a zit. You back down because suddenly they are the victim and you are hurting them. You fall for the wounded wing act. The one who was truly fighting for their own way is pretending that you are the one who picked the fight, who is being unfair, who needs to admit you are wrong!

I so loathe this sneaky way of lying to get ones way.

I had read this book some months before my last interaction with my sister. I had forgotten about the book, but some of the concepts I had learned were operational for me. My sister's aggression was immediately obvious to me. I did not allow her to minimize the mountain. I didn't believe the covert lie that by my having a certain opinion that I had put her on the defensive. I again highly recommend this little book. It can save your sanity when you're suddenly in a "fight" with a sneaky little lying f-ing manipulator.

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com

BINKSTINK IS BUMMED OUT!!...

~~~~~

that's a BUMMER man..that's a bummer....

-the Big Lebowski

gee...BinkStink is bummed out!!

http://bink-think.livejournal.com/14886.html

My daughter and grandson went to San Diego for another visit to her friends a week ago. Her lovely friend Tanya bought her a ticket and is hosting the visit. I have been walking around my house like a ghost, tripping over Orion's toys and Charisse's plastic hair thingies (crunch), Don't know when they will come back, IF they will come back. It feels like such a huge part of me is gone. I miss them so much.

So when you grieve, you clean. Deeply. With vigor, in the corners. I even repainted all the baseboards today. I yanked down the blinds that don't really fit the new windows and let the outside in. No more running nekkid from the bathroom, at least until I break down and decide on new "window treatments". Sheesh, window treatments? Around here in redneckville it's tres couture to hang sheets in your windows. No one would look askance.

I moved around the furniture in the living room. Not that I have much furniture. We dumped it all when we went to Idaho. We inherited some shitty furniture from the previous owners of the farm, and I left it there when I ran away. So I have a fifty dollar couch from the Goodwill, and a thirty year old pumpkin colored Lazy Boy with my grandmother's afghan over it . . . some blonde oak end tables and a dead plant, still in the pot. I've been an RN for almost 20 years, raised my kids and you'd think I'd have my house "in order" but it looks a lot like what I had when I was on welfare going to college. It's a little depressing. The house isn't even mine.

It's raining outside (what a shock around HERE, I know) and it's drumming on the patio roof in a way that underscores my mood. Actually, a softer, sadder rain would be better.

Well, time to warm up the Kentucky Fried 8 piece Family Meal I bought for my UNfamily. It should last me three or four days. I love the potatoes and gravy, especially the gravy. OK, I'm happier now. There's a pint of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer too. Maybe I'll save it, maybe I'll eat the whole thing. Depends upon how self destructive I feel. If I eat it, I'll get in bed and crank up the electric (pfffffft) blanket and watch Discovery Health Channel. The Duggar's are on tonight. Yeah, I feel better now.

BinkStink is sounding a little bummed out... i don't get it... her attacks on me for being bummed out were vicious and relentless... i just refuse to embrace the 'groundhog of healing', remember?.... BinkStink has been busy... she's been rewriting history, and erasing some too... like a little beaver... er... groundhog... er... NARC...

pooooor BinkStink... she's in victim mode... bummer...

she's removed all her nasty posts to me on her 'camping with abuse survivors' rant/psychotic break... that's ok... i have it all copied to disc along with source code to prove she wrote it.. :)

BinkStink's living conditions sound rather... uh... bleak... let's not forget that BinkStink is for somewhere between 17 and 120 years a NURSE.. RN...

the average yearly income for a nurse is around 52,000 dollars... and yet BinkStink is sitting around on a Goodwill sofa, and a burnt orange LazyBoy recliner????...

and she says it's 'a little depressing'... huh... because when i was saying how much i missed my home... and all of my things that the psychopath Mike McGrannahan stole from me... here's what she had to say...

2009-12-19 08:43 pm (UTC)

I'm saying that unless you suffer from a mental illness, you don't need to live like you do. He may not have left you much but your beating heart but that's enough.

Guess that ugly ass orange LazyBoy should be enough, BinkStink... buck up.. i mean... unless you're suffering from a MENTAL ILLNESS... you don't need to live with an ugly orange recliner, right????... what's your problem?... don't forget... you're HEALED..

I learned to accept and forgive myself at the knees of some veteran abuse survivors on Trubble's Catbox (they are all at Our Place) now. I saw that THEY redefined themselves and went on, perhaps limping a bit, to new and better lives.

there you go!!.. living in a rented dump in 'Redneckville' and laying around in an orange LazyBoy is NEW and BETTER... so why so bummed???? why not go back over there on your knees now that you're bumming and get some more of that acceptance and forgiveness... oh... i know why... because you're a PARIAH
among the PIRAHNAS!!

I know this is what makes me a pariah in the domestic violence victim community, this willingness of mine to point out the stain on the lily white garment of the abused.

..........................

BinkStink appears to be attempting to reinvent herself... gone is the snide hateful condescending vile bitch, whose rambling vicious diatribes prompted me to make a complaint to her employer... not gone, really... just hidden... like all her nasty comments on her journal...

lately she's a new and improved BinkStink... posting about her geese... about her love for them... geee... quite a change from the sniveling cowardly bitch who allowed ATM to dump her cats... take her dogs to the pound... and shoot and eat her chickens!!. we'll examine all that in another post...

but for now let's get back to the matter at hand... BinkStink's DEPRESSION... (SIGH)...

BinkStink, being a psychopath is a fan of other psychopaths.... Sam Vaknin for instance...

Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Love, and fathered a new understanding of personality disorder (specifically narcissism and psychopathy), being one himself and telling it like it is, from his perspective. Many people reject his ideas because he openly admits he IS a narcissist or psychopath. But the content of his ideas line up with experience just a bit to well for ME to toss him out. (i bet) Personally? Who better can describe the machinations in the mind of a narcissist than a narc? (ok... let's run with your opinion BinkStink) That he's undoubtedly skimming a ton of supply from all the attention doesn't prevent me from the revelation. I can't think like a narc, myself. (uh huh) I have been aware forever that personality disordered people THINK differently, use a different frame of reference entirely.

ok... just for kicks - let's compare some of BinkStink's own thoughts about herself to Sam's take on them!!

http://bink-think.livejournal.com/15411.html

what BinkStink says about herself:

I had no sense of "self" except a very limited one. I did not exist as a separate individual.. First you must have an actual SELF to focus on. What I had to focus on, back then, was . . . nothing at all.

ewwwwwww... here's what Sam has to say about THAT....

Vaknin: A Narcissist (notice the capital N) has no sense of self. If not reflected by others, he feels annulled, dead, void. It is a harrowing experience (I went through it once). It is like being separated to molecules and suspended in mid air.

hmmm....then there's this....

My "self" was a decoupage of what I believed was expected of me, what kept me 'well liked' by other people, what kept them from being mean or hurtful or rejecting me.

My "self" was a conglomeration of what I'd been given, or decided I needed, to keep myself safe from others. Beneath the conglomerate was a life long belief that I was walking a fine line between tolerance and rejection.I did not perceive myself as having any real protection from other people's meanness and rejection. Other than charming them, being as passive and perceptive as I could be to what they seemed to need me to be.

Sam's assessment:

The narcissist gets all the love that he needs from himself. From the outside he needs approval, affirmation, admiration, adoration, attention – in other words, externalised Ego boundary functions. The Narcissist emulates and simulates an entire range of emotions and employs every means to achieve these effects. He lies (narcissists are pathological liars – their very self is a false one). He acts the pitiful, or, its opposite, the resilient and reliable.

thanks, Sam...

THANKS A LOT!!!!

gone is the old BinkStink... the hateful self aggrandizing manipulating haughty bitch... she's been replaced by MOTHER GOOSE.. a bummed out one... Sam, what's your take on this?

His aggression having failed to elicit Narcissistic Supply, the narcissist proceeds to indulge himself in daydreaming, delusions of grandeur, planning of future coups, nostalgia and hurt (the Lost Paradise Syndrome).

i see... and what about this rewriting history thing, Sam?... what's up with that???

When all else fails, this is what they do. Put them in a corner about something that happened as recently as an hour ago and they will either tell you that they have no recall of it whatsoever or simply tell you that you are wrong. At this point they will be more than happy to go into great detail about what really transpired, which can be so blatantly untrue that it leaves you standing mouth agape.They will claim to have said or done things that they didn't; claim that you did or said things that you didn't or simply rewrite the story entirely. In extreme cases they will even claim that the incident never happened at all.

wow, Sam... sounds pretty fucked up... now what about this TWO CAMPS the crazy bitch pounded on about for days???

.

This is a bit like the old schoolyard dynamics. You'd have two gangs pitted against each other and each would try to steal the stronger members from the other and win them over to their own side. In many ways, narcissists have never left the school yard.As one person falls out of favour with them, so they rush around rallying support against that person from everyone else, starting with their best source of supply and working down to the weakest. Anyone who does not fully agree with the narcissist is thrown into the bad camp with the original outcast.This outcast state can continue for days, weeks, months or even years. It will end when the outcasts either have grovelled sufficiently or the narcissist has outcast someone else in his camp and needs to strengthen this inner circle again.He calls the shots. He decides when you have been sufficiently punished and shown sufficient remorse and all of it is dictated by his own needs only. The king is in his kingdom

sounds about right... well, Sam... according to BinkStink, you're the expert... what say you?... is she or isn't she?... give us a hint...

`

that's a BUMMER, BinkStink... that's a bummer...

SHE'S BAAAAAACK!!!

~~~~~~~

NEWS FLASH, BinkStink!!.. your proxy isn't working!!. and it looks like you aren't either!!!

March 18th 2010

08:10:16 PM
IE 8.0WinXP1280x1024

Location: IP Address:

Olympia, Washington, United States
Comcast Cable (76.104.243.242) [Label IP Address]
www.proxygiga.com/browse.php?u=Oi8vYmlua3N0aW5rLmJsb2dzcG90LmNvbS8%2Feng9YWIwZTkzMTJlNmFmODdhYQ%3D%3D&b=5&page=ot.com/?zx=ab0e9312e6af87aa&f=frwww.proxygiga.com/browse.php?u=Oi8vYmlua3N0aW5rLmJsb2dzcG90LmNvbS8%2Feng9YWIwZTkzMTJlNmFmODdhYQ%3D%3D&b=5&page=ot.com/?zx=ab0e9312e6af87aa&f=frwww.proxygiga.com/browse.php?u=czovL3d3dy5ibG9nZ2VyLmNvbS9ibG9naW4uZz9ibG9nc3BvdFVSTD1odHRwJTNBJTJGJTJGYmlua3N0aW5rLmJsb2dzcG90LmNvbSUyRg%3D%3D&b=5&page=ger.com/blogin.g?blogspotURL=http%3A%2F%2Fbinkstink.blogspot.com%2F&f=frame

You can act on your pathetic blog like the truth I posted doesn't exist, never happened and doesn't bother you all you like... You're done.

The Prologue

it all begain with an email... someone told me that BinkStink... an angry, banned and booted Adminstrator from the Catbox was ragging on me and my blog in a blog she had recently started... i strolled over to take a look... sure enough...BinkStink was attacking my blog... and lying about me...

~
my comments in purple:

I've read the entirety of Confederaterebel's blog (which I will, for the sake of the intelligence of my readers, NOT link to) (natch, she's read it in it's entirety... my IP hit counter has shown that she's read it in its ENTIRETY several times... however she finds it not fit for the consumption of her own readers -- heaven forbid they find out what a liar she is...).

This is an unfortunate woman who began her career on the Catbox with a truly sad story (and a true one, by the way... unlike so many of their own). . . living out her last days in a foreclosing house with beloved dogs and no home for herself and them in sight. Everyone is different, and as she lifted her head and blinked into the day, she saw rage instead of the Groundhog of Healing. (the Groundhog of Healing??...)

There are plenty of other venues for frothing, foaming, vicious vengance vigilantes, but no, she plants herself in the Catbox and within a few weeks, out she goes.(banned for defending Mary Winkler... how horrible of me!) She comes back a few times under various guises to spew vitriol and bask in all the negative attention (and frighteningly, some positive). With all her outright disgust with Trubble's Catbox and Our Place , it causes me to wonder why she kept coming back.(guess everyone knows the answer to that NOW)

When her re-entry was prevented (a final warning by her ISP, no doubt), (lie -- never happened) she could not let go and now fills pages of the internet with some . . .

I have to admit, very clever invective. Yeah, it's insipid and transparent . . . she loves her flying monkeys and counts her hits and flybys. The trouble is, her rhetoric is so NONcontagious that she is inadvertently giving a metric ton of publicity to Our Place, The Next Right Choice and Trubble's Catbox. (yup - as well as loads of the truth & negative publicity they all so richly deserve! in addition to driving up my stats like crazy!)

~~~~

BinkStink herself, was in a huff over being banned from the Catbox... fired from the Administrative Team... by Irene herself... and then caught sending very nasty emails full of not so clever invective smearing and making fun of Irene and members of the Catbox, using the personal messaging service of the Catbox... she and her proxy - Moongoddess were both summarily booted... but as with all Narcs... BinkStink has done no wrong... she is waffling between bowing and scraping to get her ass back on to some forum... any forum... and ranting and raving...

~~~~~

my Bullshit Detector was screaming Red Alert... BinkStink was always high on my list of forum Narcs... she was always nasty and abusive to me on the Catbox; me and plenty of other people... and since i am now in the business of Narcissist and Psychopath unmasking... i decided to stick around for a bit...

the blood sucker did not disappoint... she showed herself... to be the nastiest of the nasty... she makes Tallulah look like Miss Manners... you will see a full blown Narc in action... you will see her attack... again and again, when i refuse to 'see things her way'... you will see her become more and more and more abusive... use every trick of her trade... double talk... circular talk... gaslighting... finger pointing...blame shifting... diversionary tactics... belittling... berating... accusing... twisted logic... revisionist history... lying... minimizing... threatening... you'll see her contradict herself in the same post... sometimes in the same sentence... then simply ignore it, and rant on... you'll see her entlisting turbo bitch Tallulah as an ally... on and on and on... you will see a consummate abusive Narcissist show her true self... in print...

she has attempted to rewrite history by deleting some of her nastier posts... but Narc that she is... she could not bear to delete her entire blog... she is PROUD of her work... and in one post she actually refers to her attacks on me as her 'work'...

and bear in mind that this vampire was an Administrator of the Catbox... this abuser is the epitome of who is dispensing wisdom and compassion and caring to abuse victims on those forums!!!.. this nasty bloodsucking vampire...

BinkStink has blogged her way into the NARCISSISTIC ABUSER HALL OF SHAME... FIRST PLACE!!!!!

~~~~~~

most of the abusive bitches from the The Catbox, The Next Right Choice, and Our Place have toned down their abuse, under great duress... which was my intention in creating this blog...their membership is dropping as word gets out... which was the intention of my blog... and once the nefarious BinkStink's goose has been cooked.. then i can get on to other issues...

addressing the fact that there is no real help for domestic violence victims... that the DOMESTIC VIOLENCE INDUSTRY is a scam and a farce... that the police and the courts not only condone domestic violence... they also perpetrate it... in their own homes, and while pretending to protect and to serve...

i want to discuss how women are driven into poverty and despair by domestic violence... with no way out... (despite what BinkStinks, Tallulah and the the rest purport)... i want to discuss the use of religion as an excuse to abuse women... and i want to discuss, in depth, my own abuse... how i was held hostage in my own life... by a PSYCHOPATH... ow he got away with it...

and how there was and is no help to be found, anywhere... from anyone... and how any justice i will ever have, i will have to get on my own... and i want to continue to talk about how WOMEN, including those who claim to have been abused themselves, through their cowardice and their jealousy and hatred of their own RACE, really refuse to take 'responsibility'... how now change can never be had... if everyone sits around and waits for someone else to change it... while they take bubble baths and remain 'old fashioned girls'...

i will continue to unmask abusive Narcissists and Psychopaths wherever i find them... and continue to monitor the abusive women of the three abusive abuse forums...

but first... the defanging of the Abusive Narcissistic Vampire, BinkStink...