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Monday, April 5, 2010

BINKSTINK IS A CRYBABY... BOOOOO HOOOOO

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Is it so wrong to expect people to treat you as you've treated them?

-BinkStink

oh my... how sad... BinkStink has rewritten history... she's hidden all her nasty posts... and yet i, horrid horrible person that i am... i have neither forgotten or forgiven!!. .woe is BinkStink... read her latest pity party (my invective in TURQUOISE)
Is it so wrong to expect people to treat you as you've treated them?(NOPE...not at all, especially when you've treated them like shit) Well, yes. (the pity party is getting OLD, Narc )

Because it's hopeless.You can't make another person behave in a manner that you think is appropriate unless you can beat them, shame them or terrify them into compliance. (yep.. you tried all that, huh BinkStink) Or, unless they already have the faculty of loving you and wanting to please you. If they do not, then you are back to coercion by force.

I don't think there is any escape from "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". It's just that you can't MAKE them do unto you in a specific way, no matter how much good you do unto them.SHOULD they? (poooooor BinkStink... what a martyred saint...)

This thought is, "I want you to X, therefore, you should." The wanter is the sun around which the planets of other people revolve. (NARC NARC) Not real flattering. (NOPE BinkStink... not flattering)

Wanting other people, no DEMANDING they treat you decently is entitlement.But then . . . but then . . . it's still not RIGHT that I was treated poorly, was it? (who is she talking about?... who treated this bitch POORLY?.. oh yeah.. everybody in the world, because she's a NARC)No, it wasn't RIGHT.But then . . . but then . . . I should do something about it!!Yes indeed, but what? Do what?Here's the rub. We get stuck believing that the problem is with the other person who is treating us badly.

I mean, it seems so obvious. But it's a misperception of solution. And a brick wall, besides, one I've beat my head against forever.Yes, do something. Do something you CAN do.Like . . . walk away. Leave.(lie.. rewrite histoy... play the victim) Accept the other person exactly as they are, give them that much respect and credit. It's against no law for a person to be an ass, a jerk, or a bitch. See yourself as you are, unable to reach in and mess with their motherboard. So what CAN you do?What I do is take myself away. (translates to 'run away and reinvent myself') I avoid people who treat me like shit. (tranlates to 'i avoid people who are onto me' )It's very natural, even paramecia do it.

I can imagine only extreme situations where I would confront a person and TELL them to treat me better. The rest of the time, I don't need them to treat me one way or another. They don't define me. They can't get inside me all that easily (anymore). Whatever, dude. Knock yourself out. Go in peace, asshole.I spend just as much time as I ever did noticing people who act like barbarians, but much LESS time searching and obsessing about what to do about it.
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well, shucks... she still sounds a little bummed out... i hope it wasn't Sam's opinion of her... of her personality disorders... i mean after all... she diagnosed herself... not intending to of course... in her little pity party entitled MEAN PEOPLE SUCK... she said this.. lobbing it at me....
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From what I know about personality disorders, a person WITH one is a person with a hazy, indistinct sense of self. It is easily threatened, and viciously defended. An insult is life or death. They are both grandiose and so insignificant to themselves. When we are talking ideas and honesty and integrity, which are much higher on the food chain than they can grasp, they are struggling, like a 13 year old terror of a kid, for a simple sense of SELF. The sense they do have is so fragile a breeze would dislodge it. It really is life and death, to them.I can better understand "mean people" from this point of view.
BinkStink is throwing herself quite the PITY PARTY...but looks like no one came.....
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How can I tell whom not to trust?" ...the best clue is, of all things, the pity play. The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy...More than admiration--more even than fear--pity from good people is carte blanche. When we pity, we are, at least for the moment, defenseless...You know this is true. How many times in the movies has this tactic been used by the evil villain? Innumerable. We are screaming at our TV screens, "Don't fall for that!!" as we see the camouflaged evil villain lure in the good guy by appealing to the good guy's intact heart and conscience with a convincing act of being wounded, pitiable, defenseless. If the good guy believes the act, he is the one rendered defenseless. This allows the bad guy to kill him or make an escape. This scene happens over and over again in movies because we all recognize it to be a common tactic of evil people, and we all recognize the good guy's vulnerability to such a tactic. His decency is what sets him up for the fall. We find ourselves wishing that the good guy could be just a little less decent for a moment so he can avoid what we can see is coming...his annihilation.Do we have to lose our decency to insure we don't fall for such a ruse? No, I don't think so. We just need to pay attention. Don't assume that anyone who seems pathetic and pitiable is automatically going to deserve your compassion or pity. Remember that giving sympathy to evil doers is no virtue. If you want your compassion to be virtuous be sure to give it to the truly deserving.Stout gives us some guidance on how to decide who is trustworthy and who is deserving of your compassion:"When deciding whom to trust, bear in mind that the combination of consistently bad or egregiously inadequate behavior with frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless person's forehead as you will ever be given."

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"I am sure that if the devil existed, he would want us to feel very sorry for him."

-The Sociopath Next Door, pg. 109.

The devil does exist. Boot his or her sorry ass out of your life.
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BOOOOOO HOOOOOO BinkStink... cry me a river of crocodile tears... i'm not buying it... and looks like no one else is either...

Sunday, April 4, 2010

NICE TRY, BINKSTINK!

In her latest post, BinkStink tried this exact tactic... nice try... not buying your "poor little ole me" bullshit!

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A COMMON TACTIC OF NARCISSISTS
by Anna Valerious

Manipulators. We've all been taken in by them. All malignant narcissists are manipulators, though not all manipulators are narcissists. Either way, it is impossible to avoid them. It is possible to minimize our susceptibility to them.

The concept that has helped me the most in enabling me to recognize when someone is trying to force me into what they want from me is the reality that manipulators are aggressive, and most times they are able to hide their aggression. George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D. of "In Sheep's Clothing" calls them "covert-aggressives". As I read his book I realized that my whole experience with my sister especially, but also my mother, was that of being up against a covertly-aggressive person. My sister is better at it than my mother is. Interestingly enough.

Simon makes a great case for opening our eyes to what is really happening in these interactions; that the character disordered individual, or simply aggressive person, is fighting to get their own way when they use certain tactics. And he points out that they are tactics. Not defensive reactions.

"...viewing someone who's in the act of aggressing as being defensive in any sense is a major set-up for victimization." pg. 95

He also describes the tactics of the covert-aggressive as being another form of lying.

One of the first things their tactics accomplish for them is to conceal the fact that they are fighting with you. They are refusing to allow you to have the opinion you have, the standards you have, the decision you've made. They are attempting to force your surrender to their way, their opinion, their standards (or lack thereof). But the first thing they must do is come at you in such a way that the first thing you'll think is that they are reacting defensively. They hide their aggressiveness under a cloak of pretense that they are simply acting out of defensiveness which, of course, means that you attacked them. So the next thing their tactics accomplish is putting you on the defensive. Now you are knocked off-balance and the covert-aggressive will likely start throwing so many different manipulative tactics at you at once that you end up falling for the ruse and capitulate.

Simon states that it is impossible to list all the tactics manipulators use, but he does make a short list of the most popular ones. He starts with "minimization". It is a 'oh my god' moment to see it spelled out. How many, many times have my mother or sister used this tactic on me and others?? It could not be counted.

Simon again contrasts the behavior of the neurotic with that of the character disordered as he explains this tactic:

"...the aggressor is attempting to assert that his behavior isn't really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. It's the aggressor's attempt to make a molehill out of a mountain... Neurotics frequently make mountains out of molehills, or 'catastrophize.' The disturbed character frequently trivializes the nature of his wrongdoing. Manipulators do this to make a person who might confront them feel they've been overly harsh in their criticism or unjust in their appraisal of a situation."

Then the money quote, in my opinion:

"Minimization is not primarily the way they make themselves feel better about what they did, it's primarily the way they try to manipulate my impression of them. They don't want me to see them as a person who behaves like a thug. Because they are most often comfortable with their aggressive personality style, they also want me to believe that there's nothing wrong with the kind of person they are." pg. 97


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Can you see the lie that is the fabric of this type of manipulation? If you miss the lie, you can be convinced by the manipulator that you are the one aggressing against them. You are the one who is misapprehending the truth of what happened, the truth of what they are. You big meanie. Look at poor little defensive me trying to stand up against your mean and nasty aggression against me! I was only... fill in the blank... as they cut that mountain down to the size of a zit. You back down because suddenly they are the victim and you are hurting them. You fall for the wounded wing act. The one who was truly fighting for their own way is pretending that you are the one who picked the fight, who is being unfair, who needs to admit you are wrong!

I so loathe this sneaky way of lying to get ones way.

I had read this book some months before my last interaction with my sister. I had forgotten about the book, but some of the concepts I had learned were operational for me. My sister's aggression was immediately obvious to me. I did not allow her to minimize the mountain. I didn't believe the covert lie that by my having a certain opinion that I had put her on the defensive. I again highly recommend this little book. It can save your sanity when you're suddenly in a "fight" with a sneaky little lying f-ing manipulator.

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com