especially about her betraying patient confidentiality, gossiping about her patients online... and about her vicious attack and slander of another nurse there.. one whose dying baby she was gloating about... and accusing of abusing patients...
The mother of this child is a nurse I work with several times a week. In the last year I have worked with her, I have grown to pretty much loathe her. She is very abusive, the kind of person I keep at arm's length and force myself to be polite and friendly with. The kind of person who I see sitting HERE and go OVER THERE so as not to sit near her and get her focused upon me. If she spent that time complaining just doing her JOB she wouldn't have to throw a temper tantrum at the end of the shift because she has to stay late to chart, or brow beat the charge nurse into giving her overtime for not taking her breaks.She will blatantly lie to the director of nursing while you are standing there aghast. And then tell you "I love you so much!!!" while you writhe in disgust and fear of what she is going to do next. I don't ask her for help with my bedbound patients because she is rough with them.
I would not relish the thought someone is hurting and scared because of something I did. (and i thought Psychopaths had no sense of IRONY!) No matter WHAT they did to me, much less lose their job, reputation amongst their community, because I was vengeful. I will chide people or confront them in the right context. (minimizing her abuse of others..the context being when she can get away with it..:)...) Like, when they ask for it or in consensual debate.(all abusers say the victim ASKED for it, don't they) I see a moral difference between challenging a person's words or behavior, and telling lies so they might lose their job, rather an obvious point to most folks.Reputations, jobs and positions are dear and most adults have them. They are earned over time, by hard work and trustworthy behavior. They are built over years, very carefully. They're worth the effort.Someone has, with unusual grandiosity for an adult, appointed themselves to make mischief with my job. Someone with a lot of time on their hands. Someone without a job or credibility of their own to occupy their time, apparently.Case in point: A person, whom I shall not name but should be obvious, turned her bitter sights to attempt to get me in some sort of "trouble" at my place of work. Not that it is possible to do with her "methods", which were to send enough emails to amount to fifty printed pages to the corporate office, complaining that I was spending HOURS stalking her online from my workplace. She hammered the recipients with stats from her blog's site meter, and interjected them with her trademark . . . well, ravings.(sent them the FACTS, bitch...just the FACTS) Apparently, someone from the IS department took a couple of hours and perused her blog themselves, using some tools only IS people (computer geeks that they are) know how to use. (it was HER...i ASKED... her employer confirmed) Don't worry, dear, this is what HAPPENS when you make false statements to a really large corporation who then worries you might be a security risk. (WORRY, DEAR...THIS is what happens when you use a corporations computers to stalk blogs instead of empty bedpans) . She was concerned this person has gone to great lengths to discover my name and place of work, may even know where I live and perhaps be dangerous.(yeah..i bet they've got armed guards surrounding the building..worried sick of this loser bitch ) Like I said, my judgment was impaired and I blew it. I still wasn't sure she wasn't just jousting with me. (guess that's been cleared up ) I am a sucker for jousting. I should know that mentally ill people are concrete thinkers. I should have completely ignored her a LONG time ago, when everyone else started ignoring her too.That is what we are taught to do with "abusive", i.e., mean people. Playing games with them, unless you are a mean person yourself, is a sure way to get yourself in an unhappy situation. (yes it is) . . she tried to get me in "trouble" at work. My job is the singular thing that provides me with . . . everything. I went to school for five years and spent 40K on the education to get it. I've spent the last almost 19 years of my life "being" a nurse. (now it's 19 ..you'll see this number change frequently) It is a sacrifice, and a gift, to be a nurse. Jobs are dear nowadays, in this economy. Even nursing jobs.A year and a half ago, I went through Hell to get back on my feet, a lot of terrific fear, a complete change of venue (I used to be a psych nurse and retrained for this job). I had to become a novice again, after several years of being at the "top" of my field. I'd lost my confidence entirely, thanks to subjecting myself to a very bad man. So it is, for me, a particularly low blow, to have a gnashing crazy woman hate that I disagree with her and then proceed to try and take me down where it matters. Which she can't do, but it's the THOUGHT, you know? It's her intention. It would bring her great satisfaction to know she brought me down. See, what I did, was much more than call bullshit and confront her about the inconsistencies and evasions in her "story". (we're about to see Nurse BinkStink confronted with some more inconsistencies in HER story)From what I know about personality disorders, a person WITH one is a person with a hazy, indistinct sense of self. It is easily threatened, and viciously defended. An insult is life or death. They are both grandiose and so insignificant to themselves. This is the mechanism that drives them to crush others who disagree with or reject them. They cannot just walk away and say "whatEVER!!" (nope...BinkStink would not just walk away) The sense they do have is so fragile a breeze would dislodge it.
this is typical... during that entire spew she never once mentioned her wrongdoing... it wasn't me sitting around in a hospital, working as a nurse and making, to quote BinkStink 'big bucks' while using their computers to read blogs all night long!... that was HER... in her OWN WORDS!!!
...was tantamount in her mind to justify fucking with my sole means of support. For my daughter, grandson, son, and animals, NOT just me.
boy... for someone who shoves personal responsiblity down the throats of anyone she gets near... she sure isn't too fond of taking it herself!!.. i'd say it was HER fucking with her sole means of support... i didn't make her sit around using Providence Medical Center's computers all night long to read my blog... she CHOSE to do it...
and we all know from the 'feature presentation' expose' how BinkStink just despises the unemployed... so why is she the 'sole support' of her adult daughter and son?... and a grandchild?... you'd think she pound THEM with some of that 'tough love' she was beating me with!!. tell them to get off their 'lazy asses' and get a job at Jack in the Box!!. what's up with THAT, BinkStink???.. boooooo hoooooo...
BinkStink... there's a problem.. i believe this is not the first time you've had some 'trouble' at your place of work!!.. or even the SECOND time... let's put on our bulletproof vests, grab our xenon flashlights and try to shine some light onto the TRUTH that is hidden deep in that dark bad neighborhood that is BinkStink's mind...
``
here we go!!.. think i found something!!.
http://www.drirene.com/catbox/index.php?showtopic=64387
Posted 01 November 2008 - 05:15 PM
I don't think being a life long abused person gives me a corner on the market of defensiveness, or self flagellation when it comes to being "corrected".Most people really dislike it, and there might be a few Zen masters out there with the ability to gracefully accept criticism, and deal with it effectively.Last night (and the night before, apparently (uh oh) Admittedly, I was blazing with ignorance and it was my first time doing it . . . but that's not the point. That kind of "excuse" is offensive, when it comes to carrying out treatment orders on your patients. You do it right the first time, period. Room for errors? None. Do we understand and even expect, to a certain degree, some error? Oh yes. . . but do we admit it? Hell no :lol: !!So anyway, when the night shift nurse comes to me and points out this error to me, I am horrified and am subject to watching an entire team of nursing staff stand around and say "Now what should we do?" Interspersed in the general air of "Uh oh!!" were the carefully worded questions asking me if my brain was switched on, or off, or if I graduated from nursing school. Ugh. You know, that's just the way things work and are, I've been a nurse for 17 years(it is soooooooo hard to keep up with how many years she's been a nurse) and this is the way nurses talk to each other. At least they questioned my competency politely :lol: Eyes bulging, and trying really hard not to yell (or cry), I listened to what I SHOULD have done, and what I did wrong, in all it's glory. By the skin of my teeth, I only made vague excuses :X that just came out and that I didn't really believe anyway,(soooo Narc...to just SPEW inane lies and excuses when confronted) and I didn't cry or yell and pretty much kept a cap on what I FELT, which was devastated. The patient missed a lab draw and a minor adjustment upward in a titrated medication. He was oblivious and not harmed in a short or long term way.(minimizing) But we pay very close attention to stuff like this because it is a series of these kind of errors that DO cause the big mishaps you hear about in the news.Of course my 90 day evaluation comes up like TUESDAY. I feel professionally obligated to do a "systems" and psychological autopsy on what went wrong so I can prevent future extreme brain farts errors of omission. It's not enough, in my career field, so say "Ooopsie, ha ha! I just didn't know." While that is true, why didn't I know? And why didn't I know that I didn't know? I must get to the bottom of it, and see how this may affect other aspects of my care. It's the only rational way to deal with this sort of error, and vital to do if you don't want to harm someone in your care.I am consumed with defensiveness and destroyed by that old voice of self recrimination, that rises like a tidal flood. It's like having emotional hotflashes. I find that I am struggling MORE with calming myself down from reactive defensiveness and protecting myself from the overwhelming sense of "YOU SUCK". Both are severe reactions, and don't help whatsoever.Being a person who endured much useless and hurtful criticism, from ATM and my abusive father, I have become a very defensive person.
let's pause here and reflect on the statements made above... and then... let me quote BinkStink from a spew launched against ME ..
From what I know about personality disorders, a person WITH one is a person with a hazy, indistinct sense of self. It is easily threatened, and viciously defended. An insult is life or death. They are both grandiose and so insignificant to themselves. This is the mechanism that drives them to crush others who disagree with or reject them.
ok... now... where were we?... oh yeah... BinkStink said she is feeling EXTREMELY DEFENSIVE...
I am tired of being accused. In my soul, I am fed up to my eyeballs. My instantaneous reaction is to react with defensiveness, as if I am being attacked, even if I am not.Sneaking along behind this is "YOU SUCK" and all the vivid fantasies of being a pariah and being so awful and pathetic and disgusting and useless that you can't even see.As a part of our continued healing, how do we accept being corrected without resorting to defensiveness or massive self-flagellation? Neither of which solve anything, just diminish quality of life. And nothing is solved. I'm not making sandwiches, I'm keeping people alive through serious illnesses. I need all my energy for problem solving, not fending off my defensiveness.I mean, SOMETIMES we are wrong, right :p?? I have been SO defensive, my whole life long, when "corrected". So guarded, because I was cruelly mistreated. How to grow up and beyond that, accept limits when others set them on us, accept feedback that is difficult to hear (however true) without beating ourselves up FOREVER, and how to discern the "truth" and whether or not to accept the feedback or consider the source?Any thoughts or experiences of this, and how you dealt with it out there?
Bink
been extemely defensive FOREVER, eh?... and from what this professional diagnostician knows about the personality disordered... being extremely defensive is a big red flag... Nurse.. diagnose thyself!!!..
ok. let's get some fresh batteries... then.. .back into the darkness... 'cause i've just got a hunch, truth seekers... i've got a hunch that we're getting close... my invective still in purple...
Posted 02 November 2008 - 12:35 PM
I didn't think I was alone :pI love the idea of the "uninstall button". That keeps sticking in my head . . . I get it, but I don't quite "get" how it's as easy as uninstalling the button. I can sort of see it. It's a matter of identifying what kind of stuff pushes the button in the first place and that I'm having to think about.I have been SHOCKED that I've done as well as I have on this job. Doing psych nursing for 15 years (which is it??? ....14, 15, 19, 107???? ...geeez) then being in the north Idaho outback with ATM NOT working as a nurse for two plus years, then I jumped into oncology nursing. In psych nursing, ya just don't DO the medical stuff. I'm like a baby nurse in some ways, and I know that *I* forgot that I still need a lot of support and can't really trust myself yet, not completely. The other nurses "bought" my seasoned persona (wow...someone 'bought' her CON....she's say so!! ) and found out the same thing I did, I'm NOT beyond needing extra support.I trusted myself to make an executive decision -- the decision was to NOT check up on myself, or check in with more experienced staff. It was the wrong decision.I was really, REALLY enjoying my apparent success and fairly easy transition. It made me a bit too bold. I enjoyed how I felt about myself, and how the rest of the nursing staff just accepted me as "one of them" with very little of the gauntlet, as gr8rn talks about - There is a dark side to the Florence Nightingale rest-your-head-against-my-bosom selfless helper types. (no shit!!!...we're in that darkness right now, readers) The rage of the victim is STRONG in nurses. The victim/martyr archetype is practically celebrated, and the inevitable rage beneath that is what I and gr8rn and any other nurse with an iota of awareness is very afraid of having aimed at them. Talk about re-creating the pariah complex, abandonment and "outcast" experiences, too.I have somehow escaped that "gauntlet" and have been accepted, so to speak. This incident makes me fear they'll throw me back to the alligators, that they'll all turn on me and snatch away that precious position of acceptance and I'll be just another "new" nurse having to earn every nanometer of acceptance the hard way.Yeah it's sick but it's my career and people and their weird group dynamics are EVERYWHERE so my job is to change/adapt myself. To uninstall the button. I just need to think about this some more before it "clicks", I think I'm close.The end result, I hope, is that I have a stable position in the group, that I do my job without participating in the martyr complex, without giving voice to my own victim rage, and don't bring forward the old old fears of being cast out and rejected for not being "perfect". (as we know, ALL NARCISSISTS MUST BE PERFECT...ALL THE TIME...this is VERY TELLING ) I can't even BE cast out.Your responses really got me thinking, thanks everyone . And that defensiveness . . . it NEVER goes over well, it always makes us look like we are hiding something. (for sure) I think it's because it's true, we ARE hiding something. I know I am. (FOR SURE) I'm trying to hide my vulnerability and my scared-sick self, that little girl who was beaten and reviled, literally, and never understood what she did to cause it. So I've hidden and guarded her out of a sense of loyal protection . . . and unspeakable shame. I'll keep the loyal protection. No need to be ashamed of that little abused child, who didn't deserve what she got. She is likely the "source" of my empathy and grit. Time to give her some credit rather than stay stuck in the endless feedback loop of defensiveness .Bink
wowzer...lots of talk about DEFENSIVENESS here... hmmm... a very defensive Nurse BinkStink...when she gets caught doing something WRONG she becomes wildly, abnormally DEFENSIVE... by her own admission...
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Posted 05 November 2008 - 09:25 PM
OMG Boomer :lol: I read that article and this is really going to make me look evil but I do exactly what the author suggests at the end of the article. With really prickly, angry defensive people, they are so easily flattered. And in my experience, seem so grateful for an empathetic "hand" or word. It works like a charm. And that's all it is, is a charm. It doesn't make them nice people :p they are still who they are, but I've made myself seem "safe" and nonthreatening (STOP THE PRESSES!!..she is ADMITTING to being a NARC...to using FLATTERY AND MANIPULATION!!..and admitting to looking EVIL...WHY...IT WORKS LIKE A CHARM!!.) Until I'm not and then I've had to start over from scratch.It's managing difficult people. I wouldn't dare try it on someone unless I was in severe self defense mode, though I did do it to one particular nurse at this job, I spotted her coming a mile away. I just want to be able to FUNCTION in the same room with this person, that is all. It enables me to not waste energy, and these types really get my attention whether I want to give it to them or not. (WOW!!...WOW!!.. she can spot someone she MANIPULATE coming a MILE AWAY!.. MANIPULATING people saves her ENERGY!!. WOW!) It was about half in half . . . half concern about the error, and half the old shame and inadequacy stuff.Last night I had an opportunity to keep my lip zipped. I had to go hide in the medication room and talk to myself, out loud. (EWWWW!!...snag a few Dilaudid while you were in there?) _"Don't do it. Don't go there. Stop, it's not worth it." :lol: The charge nurse hollered at me from the hallway about me being late with my meds for a certain patient. I might be running my gauntlet a little later, rather than avoiding it in the first place. I sincerely am doing things NO differently than I ever have, timewise. In fact I do things the way the other nurses do them until I fashion my own "way", which will take time and practise. (always the rebel, eh BinkStink?..refusing to comform to rules... what a surprise!.. narc narc narc) So it was a little baffling.The moment of wanting to verbally respond was . . . sublime. My eyeballs literally made little sounds popping out from the pressure. I had to do DAMAGE CONTROL, pronto. Inside. It was a moment of pure ego death :lol: I had to take it like a man. And NOT say a word, at all. Maybe I moaned a little. But it was not safe to speak, not for a while.I guess I learned some important tools, useful in all parts of life, not just with an intimate abuser
well... this was certainly enlightening!!! Nurse BinkStink admits to being abnormally defensive... admits to being a slacker... admits to refusing to follow rules... and admits to being a manipulator...
soooo... she's already been in some trouble at Providence Medical Center !!!. probably a lot more than she is admitting to in print... she's a trouble maker... a defensive, slack ass, obnoxious know it all... and even after all of this... she had no problem sitting around on her slacker ass... using their computers for hours on end to read my blog!!. talk about a sense of ENTITLEMENT!!..
let's go back a little FURTHER... and we'll see that Nurse BinkStink has been having some problems with people concerning her career for quite some time!!. and of course... someone else is ALWAYS to blame!!...
geez... i'm over here in a really DARK corner!.. hey!!. found something!!. something very interesting!!! a couple of things!!. let's drag them out into the light of day and have a look see!!!
http://www.drirene.com/catbox/index.php?showtopic=52862&st=0
Posted 17 June 2008 - 11:57 AM
Could they just have sent an email to cancel my interview tomorrow?I checked the job number, it is the same one I was to interview tomorrow. It's a "form email", simply stating that unfortunately the job has been filled and here's the link to look at other available openings. Last week I posted that the prospective employer was having trouble hearing back from my references. I'm guessing this trouble continued? I don't understand, I don't know why.
Would they EMAIL me to give me that bad news? How cold. These are my choices, I have no one else to give them, it's too late now. This hospital is THE hospital in the Olympia area. Application for further positions will involve the same human resources staff, the same references who apparently have not come through (???), and now I have a "reputation".
I am too upset to call them right this minute and ask. My mind in just spinning. I feel so alone. I just went out yesterday with my mom and sister to get an interview "suit".
I can't believe it could be "this bad". He (ex boss) really got me. I don't know why I'm even posting this. I need to go tell my sister and calm down enough to get on the phone so I can find out for sure what happened. I can't describe how bad this feels. Things have been really tough. It was just a matter of crawling out, you know? I just don't know what I did. I am going to have a headache from hell.
I'll update when I get a grip and call HR. Yeah sure it could be a "mistake" but I doubt it.
hmmmmm... looks like BinkStink has had problems with PREVIOUS EMPLOYERS... imagine that!!.
hmmmm... former boss won't give her a reference!!. Providence is already suspicious that she is a 'wingnut'... geee... can't imagine!!!!Posted 17 June 2008 - 12:13 PM
I don't think verifying my employment was the problem Stringbean. That is an impersonal transaction, and HR at my previous job is good, and they are even aware that I'm on the hunt, I spoke with "my" rep personally last Thursday. My ex boss knows his p's and q's well enough to NOT badmouth me directly. He doesn't HAVE to say a word but refuse to help when called for a reference. (((((((ocean))))))))(((((((ellie)))))))))) Thank you all, your words mean a lot. The thing is I totally UNDERSTAND where these people are coming from. There are a lot of wingnut nurses out there, they are just protecting themselves. It is hard as hell to get rid of a wingnut once you hire them, and they raise so much hell. They are doing what *I* would do, which makes this a very interesting set of feelings indeed.
Posted 18 June 2008 - 08:35 PM
OK, I'm back from the interview.I'm serious, I kept your words in mind. I just thought Hey, what you see is what you get. I'm not gonna be anything that you don't pick up on right here, right now.(soooo.......she's admitting to PLAYING them...being what she thought they wanted her to be!!..) Besides, who wants to live UP to that kind of crap later on ??(yeah.. it can be TEDIOUS when you CON people, then are expected to FOLLOW THROUGH) The director and manger who interviewed me were VERY likeable. It was easy to make them laugh (thank God, that is so important!). (soooooo important when you are a MANIPULATIVE NARC)They didn't ask me a THING about my old job!! Or ex boss . They did not look at me and see that I sat on a mountain top with a pistol and terrified I would be killed by a meth addict :lol: !! They couldn't TELL (this speaks for itself) .
They asked me a bunch of "what would you do, what did you do" type of questions, and TWO hours later, the director gave me her business card and took me around on a tour of the unit and introduced me to many of the staff.
That's prolly a pretty good sign :) ya think?I'll know in a few days. I think I could work for these guys :D Bink
this is fascinating... Nurse BinkStink has had problems in the past with employers... and now she is prattling on... apparently completely oblivious to the fact that she is revealing HER machinations on a public website... the machinations of a Narcissistic Psychopath...
hey... what's this crumpled up over here in a dark corner??? MORE insights into the mind of BinkStink!!. let's look... HOLY BAT SHIT!!! GATHER AROUND, TRUTH SEEKERS......WE'VE HIT PAY DIRT!!!
~~~~~~
http://www.drirene.com/catbox/index.php?showtopic=52817&st=0
Posted 15 June 2008 - 04:44 PMI have another issue, related to resurrecting my career as a nurse, that was going to rear it's ugly head sooner or later. (gee...another issue.....what a SURPRISE!)I've mentioned bits and pieces of it in response to others, but here it is, whole, and I hope, brief :p,his is literally like Part Two of "My Story", in terms of my experiences with verbal and emotional abuse, so here goes.
I was a nurse manager for a little chemical dependency hospital in a major SoCal city, for almost four years. I left that job three years ago in March, and haven't worked as a nurse since. That was after having worked nonstop as an RN for fifteen years. (14, 15, 17, 19... it's soooooooo hard to keep up!)
The story goes, my boss was a PhD therapist, and if he wasn't narcissistic, he had some heavy traits. I practically worshipped him. See a pattern here (YES WE DO SEE A PATTERN HERE!) I was his "right hand woman", it was him and me against the "world", I mean, the two of us would take on a really manipulative addict that had the rest of the staff quailing and wanting to resign, and we'd have that person begging to stay in treatment and busting down the door to get to an AA meeting. (WOW...a couple of manipulative NARCS tag teaming victims...what FUN) We clicked like mad. As long as I did everything exactly the way he wanted me to do it (two NARCS... clicking like mad... this is gonna end ugly). Over time, I became more confident, and desired greater independence. (more GRANDIOSE, i beleive she means) He agreed. That's when it all started to fall apart. Likely, this guy hasn't the first CLUE about allowing independence, in anyone, much less me. It wasn't personal, but because I worked so closely with him (I was like Moses bringing down the Ten Commandments to the staff :lol: ), I got the brunt of it. I was carefully praised for certain things and mercilessly "analyzed" for everything else. An abusive person with a PhD in counseling is a deadly sort of individual. I had NO idea, I just wanted to please him. (wait a minute!!. isn't this the same bitch who spewed forth this line.. more than ONCE... 'Abusers and victims seem to me to be on the same continuum') I adored and respected him, and I thought he felt the same about me too. At first, sigh, isn't that how it always starts?
I pulled this little hospital through two Joint Commission surveys (gives healthcare organizations the OFFICIAL stamp of approval) with flying colors, literally. The nursing/counseling staff was limited, and I could pull a night shift, a double shift, lead a therapy group, whatever, go sit in a corporate meeting and pretend to know what was going on ha ha, (here we go...psychopaths and narcs always FAKE great knowledge) and yes I worked my mule off but I loved that job, too. Until my boss stopped liking me so much. The "downfall" followed such a predictable story line! I wasn't doing any more WRONG than ever, but I didn't understand that at the time.
Eventually, I had trouble getting out of bed to go to work. One day I got up, got dressed, started to cry and sat in the closet until ATM got up and found me. He was alarmed and called my boss and they went back and forth for a while. I took time off, came back refreshed, and within months, did it again. Twice more. The fourth time I "lost it", I called off work and went to a psychiatrist I knew from my previous job and he put me on a medical leave effective immediately. ( EUREKA!!!WE'VE STRUCK GOLD, TRUTH SEEKERS!!.. WE'VE STRUCK GOLD!!)
I emailed my boss, because I could not face him, it was one more failure. I immediately resigned, so he could replace me. The thought of going back there, in spite of my closeness to the staff, and love of the work, made me want to die. I wasn't THIS conflicted over ATM, ending that relationship, at any time or place. To love something and feel like it was killing me is/was my karma for the last three years or so :wacko:
And, he took it as if I'd spit on him. There's good reason, too. He was able to access my personal email and read and read and read. I can't think of anything specific, but I did bitch and moan about him. I wrote a couple of emails to staff I was close to, that knew my situation with my boss. He probably read them all. I'm sure, knowing him, he didn't take it well :wacko: . I had NO idea he'd ever be able to access my personal stuff. I was extremely unprofessional in sharing with these staff members. We ALL were unprofessional, but I had the greater responsibility. Usually, we just don't get "caught", and I did. I didn't suggest a mutiny or anything, I WHINED. (HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF!!!. this is EXACTLY what happened when she was booted from the Catbox!!. SHE WAS SLANDERING IRENE AND OTHER MEMBERS... BEHIND THEIR BACKS..IN EMAILS!!.IT'S JUST LIKE THEY SAY!!. PSYCHOPATHS AND NARCS NEVER LEARN FROM THE PAST!!!)
Seriously. I'm embarassed to think of all the whining I did. If anyone has ever been fired or quit precipitously from a position with a lot of responsibility/authority, you know the "routine". I would have not been allowed to return to the hospital without an escort, nor access a computer, yadda yadda. The staff I was close to never returned any calls I made or emails I wrote. (JUST LIKE AT THE CATBOX!) I did not understand at the time that they were forbidden to do so, by these same rules, I just felt completely rejected. The failure thing just grew fifty more arms and legs.I didn't realize that my boss was verbally/emotionally abusive until I realized ATM was, which was ALSO after the fact. Slow on the uptake, here, thanks to spending my childhood with an abuser. I did not know any of this at the time, I just tried harder to get it "right". I got myself into a state of depression and anxiety I haven't quite emerged from, and then when I had to deal with ATM's meltdown less than two years later, in the middle of Nowhere, Idaho, I did so that much less strong and capable. I never dealt with what happened at that job. Yeah, it was important to me, obviously. I feel the pain now as if it happened last week.So between ATM and my old boss, I became a complete mess. I see it now, I didn't see it before. Heck, I still don't see it all, but see more every day.
OK, here's what's happening NOW.My potential employers have been trying to confirm my employment with my old boss. He refuses to speak to them. At all. He is well within his rights to do so. He is subject to a lawsuit if he comes right out and tells them he thinks I suck. He couldn't even truthfully say that I DID suck without sounding demented himself. (this all sounds soooooo familiar) He can't say anything negative without risk, in this day and age. But he's smart, and he knows the laws and rules. (just like she does... just like all NARCS do) Refusing to speak to prospective employers is a RED FLAG to them. He taught me that himself. I was hoping time would have softened his heart. Apparently not.
The prospective employers NEXT choice, then, is to call human resources, which I have supplied the contact person and number to them.
On Thursday, my prospective employer, with whom I have an interview on Wednesday, called me to tell me NONE of my references would return her call or even come to the phone. (geeee... she seems to have problems of long standing with a LOT of people)
My ex-boss left a message that he was "unable to help them". The number I'd given them for human resources was a fax number :blink: which I did correct. The other reference was a gal who supervised me SEVEN years ago. I called and left her a message, hey remember ME??? :wacko: . I'll find out if anyone got any action tomorrow I guess!
I feel like some kind of a pariah. Intellectually, I know I did nothing to merit being a pariah, or a screw up, but how do you reconcile, and explain, to yourself, much less others, that you basically FELL APART and went swirling down the toilet and you are just trying to crawl out, and yes, you ran afoul of a not-very-nice boss who you inflicted narcissistic injury upon, then spent two years in rural north Idaho kickin' it with a meth addict :blink:
I am going to my first interview in like SEVEN YEARS, with the above paragraph hanging over my head! I am worried I will have to explain WHY my previous employer won't speak to them, the sonofaitch. I am painted with a bad brush, they had to call ME back and get ME to rustle up more references (I literally had none) AND/OR call and plead with the current set to respond.
OK, now after that vent/long moan, here's my question. As you can guess by now I am NOT thinking clearly.I feel like I should be "ready" to explain something about what happened at my last job. Yet there are so many red flags already. Yup, I burnt out and went on a MENTAL HEALTH LEAVE OF ABSENSE,(EUREKA!!! EUREKA!!! THERE'S GOLD IN THEM THAR GOOGLE CACHES!!! IT IS BINKSTINK WHO HAS MENTAL PROBLEMS!!. ALL THAT FINGER POINTING AND ALL THOSE NASTY DIAGNOSES... IT'S ALL TOTAL PROJECTION!!!. SHE IS A 'WINGNUT'!!!!) I had an abuser at work and one at home, I am just out of a domestic abuse nightmare where I lost everything except my underpants. Yep, I'm ready to be a member of your healthcare team :'(
.I am sort of laughing at myself while also wanting to crawl in a hole. Anyone relate to this kind of stuff when you re-emerged back into the world? I feel like I'm just going to make it worse if I'm asked why I left that job. I will not blatantly fabricate a lie, I couldn't pull it off, and believe me, I've been willing to do it. Not telling the entire truth is fine, most of this is none of their business, (of course not...not your employer's business that they are hiring a wingnut for a nurse!!!) but I feel like I'm walking a terribly fine line, and not too steadily.Thanks if you made it this far :blush:Bink
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Posted 15 June 2008 - 06:52 PM
I used to hire nurses, and so I have THAT lovely point of view to help me get even more anxiety-ridden than ever. This is sad, but there are lots of nurses that . . . have life problems and it is as important to verify that your "new hire" RN is not a fruitcake/problem-child as much as it's important that he/she is actually an RN (no shit!)I am concerned tossing this off as personal issues or "focussing on my family" will sound like a major red flag all on it's own. I think because it is obvious there was a problem, I should acknowledge it, in some way, does that make sense?
I interviewed a RN who'd been fired from her previous position. One of my peers (another nurse manager) referred her to me, with a sympathetic foreword to her situation. It could have gone either way. But this RN painted a picture of herself as a complete victim of they system . . . she was between a rock and a hard place, but made the wrong decision. I got a bad feeling about her, not because of what she did wrong but because she went on and on, and was a big victim.So I get this, big time :(looks like what goes around comes around BinkStink)
Be careful of blaming or talking negatively about them because the prospective employer will wonder if you could be problematic.I just am having a hard time figuring out WHAT to say, and not come across sounding like a big victim. Truth is, my sitch is much like this gal above me. I made bad choices . . . I did not violate any laws or regulations as she did, but I was between a rock and a hard place. I don't know if I had it in me, at the time, to do things differently than I did.
Truth is, I *was* a victim, much as I loathe admitting it. I knew one of the previous managers who had my position and I was treated no differently than she was. I didn't get special treatment from him. I guess then what I need to do is be ready to admit something happened, for sure.
Should I broach the subject or allow it to be brought up? Something obviously DID happen. I must be ready, one way or the other. This is the part I'm not sure about. How to describe what happened without blaming or talking negatively about my ex boss. Owning what was mine, without telling the whole friggin' story.
I know I would not have wanted to hear it, if I were interviewing a person. I still would have my guard up. That may sound harsh or unfair of me, but that's the way it is, hiring in my field, weeding out the not so reliable from the reliable ones.Here's the thing: I was NOT reliable, that's the whole point. At that point in my life, I was not a reliable employee. I was sick, enough for a shrink to put me out on a leave. (more GOLD... so... BinkStink... who, as all of you have read... diagnoses EVERYONE she gets near as 'disorder' or 'in need of medication'.... or as a 'crazy whack job'.. but come to find out, to no surprise... that SHE is the one with the problem!!!)
Yeah, no blame. But I was not reliable, that's how it shakes down. Should I admit this? (give us a break, BinkStink!! Narcs never admit to anything..they just lie and finger point )Or, how should I even word this, to take responsibility for what is MINE, without saying too much?
Thanks everyone **whew** can't believe ya read all the way through that, this is helping. I can't think straight when it's ME I'm thinking about :blush:
Bink
The contact people to initiate grievances were camped out in my ex boss's mule. He lied to me about direction he'd received from human resources once. I called HR to question them about a related issue, and it became apparent to BOTH of us I'd been deliberately misinformed... This gentleman in HR backpedaled so fast he practically hung up on me. He played golf with my ex boss at least once a month.
Sheesh, this is a three year old problem . I know just how the victims here think when they are afraid to leave, afraid to divorce, afraid to demand anything lest that "beam" get focussed on them. I sat for four years watching him WIN, over and over again, whatever he did. I complained directly to him, as is my style. Ha. I even confronted him and made him gape like a fish. I told him he treated his staff like asparagus and they knew it and doing damage control because of HIM was interfering with MY workload. Things really accelerated after that.
I ordered the employee evaluations, four years worth, last week, to be sent to me. Those are top notch and can't be argued with. I have no doubt he's violated something "legal". I'll check out that website and see if it would be worth calling his bluff. Dam. (((((mimzy :) )))))))
Bink
LOL that makes sense not to use the words EEOC. This is exactly the kind of feedback that is helpful. I am sure HR will confirm my employment, I talked to them directly, so no problem there. I usually do well in interviews, too. I actually come across better in person than on paper, and right now, my "paper" is not looking so hot.
The irony is, I am VERY manageable. I am a fantastic follower. I could not have done as well as I did, as long as I did, with my ex boss if I weren't good at following. In fact, I prefer to "follow". Like anyone else, if too much is asked, I start balking. He was impossible to please and unpredictable in what pleased him. OK, just tellin myself :wacko:
The interview is for a position in the new oncology wing going up in the hospital in Olympia I mean hey, I spent time with the insane for fifteen years, now let's spend time caring for people facing death. (damn..now it's FIFTEEN years again ) It's a completely entry level position, for new graduate RNs or old battle axes like myself who want to retrain for another field. (uh oh...Narcs don't like 'entry level') Gr8RN, I've been out of nursing for three years (damn..it is soooooooooooo hard to keep up with this): p I haven't had an interview for seven. Sheesh that sounds like a long time! I slid under the wire for the RN Refresher course, which would have been necessary had I returned to the field later than July of this year. (????..i'm sure dying patients would feel very comforted with this knowledge!!!) As far as accounting for why I left the workforce, I *AM* using a line (a LIE) straight from Lorelei, one she gave me in my topic last week. I left nursing to start a farm in Idaho, and it was a perfect disaster. So I am selling it and coming back to work as a nurse where I belong :p
If there's any problem believing that I started a farm (as opposed to going to jail, rehab, or the funny farm), there's always my blog. (gonna tell a LIE... and already thinking of ways to back up that LIE) They'll get more info than they ever wanted to know about me. But I kept the stuff about ATM and domestic abuse very general.
Notagain, I don't hear from you much, and your words of personal support mean A LOT. I also am very grateful to hear from you and Openeyes, folks who are in the corporate world and understand the "politics" and how careful one has to be. (YES....one has to be very careful when one is a manipulating, lying psychopathic NARC)
Bink
WHEW!!. .it's nice to be out of that bad neighborhood and back in the bright light of day!!. let's go wash the BinkStink off us....the look through our GOOGLE CACHE OF GOLD......!
i KNEW the truth was out there!!. and we've found it!!. in her own words!!. it's going to be pretty damn hard to rewrite THIS history!!. she can't erase what's in Google Cache like she can erase her nasty spews from her own blog.. like she's been doing!!.
~
wow.. how many people has that crazy bitch called crazy, just lately???..
PrudenceB and I did not get along well. She was articulate and funny as long as her serum narcotics were at a therapeutic level. In their nadir, she was frantic and paranoid.
Another person I have my eye on is Gone Quiet. I have met her before, in the long locked wards where she has just attempted suicide, for the fifty ninth time, because her husband/mom/coworker/boss did not do exactly as she wanted. Her solution is to punish and terrorize to get her needs met.She is getting mundo attention, the kind that pleases her greedy little heart, which focuses upon what a victim she is, what a horrible man she is with, and she is feasting
Remember Tink? And her fifteen page threads? Another borderline personality, but a very high functioning one, a brilliant brain for academics (she got into medical school at a prestigious program). She had the cardinal borderline personality symptom -- fear of abandonment -- as the axis around which she revolved.
Lately, on both boards, I'm noticing a great degree of illness amongst the members.Watch Ceeking. She is not doing well, at all. I suspect this has been going on all along, most people in their mid life do not break down into psychosis, that's an early twentysomething gig. She's been fighting this for a very long time. She is begging for people to connect with her, to shore her up because she is sinking. I used to be a psych nurse and the only thing I can think of to do for her is medicate her so she does not sink so low. I am not insulting her or feeling repulsed. She is sliding down the slide, and finally letting us in on it. She does not wear her illness on her sleeve, as most on these boards do. I am worried about her, she is a person who needs emergent help :( It's just sad,and for what it's worth, I would stop her, physically restrain her from running, hold her down until she gives up and keep her safe while she sobs and lets herself come back.
So it is, for me, a particularly low blow, to have a gnashing crazy woman hate that I disagree with her and then proceed to try and take me down where it matters.I pity this woman, and am curious about her, fascinated by her disease process.
The mother of this child is a nurse I work with several times a week. In the last year I have worked with her, I have grown to pretty much loathe her. She is very abusive, the kind of person I keep at arm's length and force myself to be polite and friendly with. The kind of person who I see sitting HERE and go OVER THERE so as not to sit near her and get her focused upon me. She is negative as a rule, and envious. I don't ask her for help with my bedbound patients because she is rough with them. A truly hateful and destructive person is experiencing the worst tragedy and grief I myself can imagine. I can't and won't forget that this person is abusive and psychologically dangerous.
No, no honey.
I was talking to YOU. You. Mary.You, Mary. Me, Bink.Your repertoire.
I know you hated the Seroquel and Zyprexa. But they really do help you firm up those interpersonal boundaries. I'm sure you have a near full bottle around there somewhere. And some Benadryl for the itching.
There is no medication or real effective therapy for people with your issues. Except prison, to keep you away from taking advantage of naive people who have a hard time believing people as bottomlessly cruel and greedy even EXIST.
the examples above a just a FEW of her recent attacks on various people... including some she doesn't even know... everyone in the world, in the world according to Binkstink, is crazy... everyone except her.... the one who really is crazy... what am i going to do with this Google Cache of pure gold???..
BinkStink has this to say...
Mark my words, she will copy and paste this and send it to corporate headquarters.
she's right... i took her advice... i have already sent it to corporate headquarters... along with Google cache posts about her alcoholism... and her posts on her blog in which she attacks people she doesn't even know... to quote BinkStink...
Don't worry, dear, this is what HAPPENS when you make false statements to a really large corporation who then worries you might be a security risk.
this woman is abusive... deluded... deranged... twisted... and she knows it.. she needs to be locked up in a rubber bardo.. that's buddist speak for ROOM, according to BinkStink... and this is what the Psychopath BinkStink has to say about herself...
My Self is filthy, earthy, lazy and selfish. I am appalled at how little it cares about the norms of society.
she also has this very telling and disturbing thing to say about herself...
I agree that what I think of me and know to be true is enough. I don't actually have a problem with her calling me a narc or a ravening psychopath intent upon victimizing the already victimized.
and this...I don't have a problem pathologizing myself, it's been very helpful to take responsibility for my own sickness.
There are many inverted narcissists or inverted abusers on abuse survivor boards.The best way to tell, IMHO, is when you confront them, they come back at you in a rage. They rapidly switch their guns to point at you, the person ostensibly supporting them, while their abuser bashes them from behind. A few even threaten to hurt YOU for daring to see a crack in their beloved story.
The agenda of the inverted so-called victim is attention and pity and validation to CONTINUE exactly as they are. They have no intention of changing themselves, or the conditions of their lives. They may give it lip service, knowing that it is what gets them "in". But any suggested steps toward that are ignored or considered "personal" attacks.The self pity of inverted victims is bottomless. Their situations are unique, and so are they. The rules don't apply to them.~
I still shudder at being "busted", but here I am.
..................
BEN
PASSED: 2/14/2007
MURDERED by the psychopath Mike McGrannahan of Kansas City, MO
"The time will come when men such as I will look upon the murder of animals as they now look upon the murder of men." -- Leonardo Da Vinci
~~
“I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget.” -- Chaim Herzog
~~
''Justice is incidental to law and order." - J. Edgar Hoover~~
"Life is life's greatest gift. Guard the life of another creature as you would your own because it is your own. On life's scale of values, the smallest is no less precious to the creature who owns it than the largest." -- Lloyd Biggle Jr.~~
When a man has pity on all living creatures only then is he noble. --Buddha
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